im in a bit of a predicament, again

[Rach]

once again im loading all my problems into the daily vibe!

im so confused and stressed and im just an emotional wreck.
this is just one of my problems.

im still with my boyfriend, after being with him a year..the same one i moaned about in all those other threads...the one that cheated on my at least 5 times and i really want to dump him but i dont have the guts to do it.

recently, i made things so much worse for myself.
this guy i've liked for ages started texting me, and one thing lead to another and he told me he's liked me since year 8 (now in year 11). i was completely surprised and pretty happy.
but the guy, is also the guy one of my best friends is obsessed with.
soon after he asked me if i wanted to do something sometime, and i said sure. so we ended up going round his house and watching a movie..things happened and we ended up kissing and tbh it was lovely and it made me feel so happy to be with a guy thats not my boyfriend and someone i really like.
but theres so many problems attatched to it and i dont know if the guy has a bad reputation, one of my friends said he did but the other said she's sure he's not like that.
as! the major problem is, he has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend.
i asked him if it meant anything to him, and he said yes..and i also asked him if he was using me and he promised me he wasnt.
after he walked me into town to meet my friend, then went home.

me and my friend went to macdonalds, sat down with a hot chocolate and talked about it...she told me i really had to tell my friend thats obsessed with him, and i knew i should but i kept putting it off. bearing in mind shes been telling everyone for a long time how she dosen't like this guy, only as a good friend.

earlier on she came on msn with just general small talk, then she started saying how she was upset about something small, and if she told me i'd just get annoyed. i asked her to tell me and she said 'you and this guy are getting quite close and i dont like it' ...she then asked me why i was in town with him the other day, and i ended up telling her everything, and she completely exploded and shouted at me for about half an hour.
i text the guy and he asked how she knew, and stuff. and he text her saying 'it wont happen again please dont tell anyone'
soo i text him asking him to come online, whether he wants to talk to me or not. he text back telling me not to worry and everythings gonna be fine.

the thing is, i was talking to him the other day and i asked him whether this was just for fun, or whether it was gonna go anywhere. he told me he wanted it to go somewhere, but he cant dump his girlfriend yet...but something will happen between us.

I want to believe he's an alright guy, and everything i've said makes him sound awful and I just dont know what to do. I dont want to just forget about him. Im confused about what to do with my boyfriend, and I dont know if I really want to dump him.

Im just extremely confused and thankyou if you read this. Advice would be loved. (:

[...analu!]

i'm in almost the same situation, with the friend thing and everything, i'm actually gunna pose a thread on that in a sec.

but lemme as you something, if he's cheating on his gf now, what makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you if you guys were going out? even with a good reputation, it doesn't mean he's a GOOD GUY, if you know what i mean. especially if he told your friend to not tell anyone, which means that he's just trying to maintain his rep.?

[Rach]

exactly! he's cheated on pretty much every gf he's had as far as i know.

i need to talk to him though, im a right state. for the past few days i've been pacing the house, jumping everytime i get a text, or someone signs in and just sleeping to waste time untill something happens and its driiiving me crazy.

[...analu!]

ickk i know how that feels, i've been going through that too..
but yeah, i'd talk to him, but if he "promises" you that he wouldn't ever cheat on you, etc., don't necessarily believe him or anything
good luck though

[xxnefariousxx]

Okay, sugar - here's what I suggest:

First off: I've been taught to love yourself. And if you're allowing yourself to stay with a man who has cheated on you on and off for a year, then obviously you don't love yourself enough! A guy who has this much disrespect to cheat on you and then plea for forgiveness and then cheat against obviously doesn't care about the relationship... Let him go. As hard as it may be, forget him. He's a cheater and if you stay with him, chances are you'll just continue to get hurt in the long run. Stop while he's ahead. You have to break away from this abuse if you really care about yourself. Your needs come before anybody else's. Remember that.

Secondly: This other man you talk about, it sounds completely fishy. Any man that says to trust him and leave things up to him is bad news. If he refuses to dump his girlfriend for you, then he's obviously not serious for you. He's just looking for play. "Something will happen between you two." That's another false alarm. What will that something be? It doesn't sound like the type of relationship you obviously want. I think he's looking for new lips to taste, without his girlfriend knowing; he wants two in one. Not good

Third Case: Your friend should be very important to you. I say that if she likes him, maybe back off a little. Best friends will always remain by your side; boyfriends won't. Ask her how she feels about this whole thing and what she wants out of it. By the way it sounds of how she exploded on you, it sounds as if she's hurt by the whole thing. Reassure her that you don't want to hurt her. Obviously you're confused with your feelings right now...

Summary: Take a break from men right now - you've obviously got a lot on your plate with your current boyfriend (who cheats) versus the man candy (who just wants sugar). Take a break and relish in the single life. Figure out what you really are looking for before you go out and search for it.

I hope this helped a little.

[Celest@CelRez]

Nef... That is the BEST advice I have ever seen given on this forum. I completely agree!

[...analu!]

bahahah nef basically said what i had been meaning to say
and i completely agree!

[xxnefariousxx]

Thanks guys - I have very strong opinions when it comes to Boys & Cheating, Boys & Best friends, and Relationships in general. Rach, let me know how things work out!

[Rach]

wow. thankyou so much <3

things are working out okay. i refused to meet up with the guy again haha

im just gonna forget about it, i have better things to worry about really.
ill take your advice and take a break ;p

[xxnefariousxx]

Good for you, Rach! Be a strong independent woman!! *cookies for yew*

[Rach]

oh dear, i think my boyfriend just dumped me but im not really sure how to take it.

**** it. says:
hi again
**** it. says:
i did want to meet upa nd talk but i never get to see u nymore
**** it. says:
i just dont think u love em anymore
**** it. says:
and dont want to be with me
**** it. says:
i do love u
**** it. says:
i just cant stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt like seeing me
**** it. says:
x

[...analu!]

did you reply?
but is it true? that you're not spending time with him anymore?
maybe it's for the better if you break up with him and move on? because idk, i think your relationship was never the best in the first place, right? so idk it's really up to you, since idk how your relationship had been going, idk what to tell you.

Do you think it's worth keeping it together?
if it is, tell him you regret not spending enough time with him, and idk try to talk to him about it.
if you think it's not worth it, just tell him you also think it's better if you guys gave it some time or just ended it, you know?

but it's all up to you, rach.

[Rach]

I didnt reply no, for the simple reason he was offline when I got to the computer.

I dont want it to continue, but he rang me up almost crying asking if he could see me, and i said i wasnt allowed out.

Next time I talk to him I'm probably gonna tell him I need a break, because I really do tbh.

[...analu!]

Yeah, i think you should do what's best for you, honestly.
because if you go by what other people think you should do, you might end up suffering more than you have to D:
buuut i hope you feel better, it really is a tough situation..

[Rach]

everythings sorting itself out!

he came online today and we talked and we both agreed we should go on a break.
god it feels good (: