relationship troubles! loll.

[Rach]

i've recently been in a relationship (for the past month) with this lovely guy. he's perfect, cute, lovely.
the thing is, theres a few problems and i really dont know what to do.

he's very insecure, he's very shy and sometimes its really awkward between us. he always blames it on a relationship he had 2 years ago that went horribly wrong and the fact he is insecure.

before we actually 'made it official' he was very weary about it, then one night he just came to my door about 11pm and told my mum he needed to talk to me, and asked me out, and said it was the first thing he's ever changed his mind about. he said he was 100% positive its what he wanted and it felt so right.

now, my friend who's noticed its going a bit odd, how we're awkward together talked to him. a few clips of the conversation;

Erin! says:
because rach likes you so much and she doesnt want to be left to start everything
Josh --- Rach says:
she hasn't started everything though
Erin! says:
yeh sorry i didnt mean it like that
Josh --- Rach says:
i dont know if i mean this or w/e not tell her.. but sometimes i feel like i just rushed into it
Josh --- Rach says:
dont*

Erin! says:
but you need to become kind of like best friends so you can completely trust each other
Josh --- Rach says:
yeah i know
Erin! says:
and the best way is talking tbh!
Josh --- Rach says:
i dont talk in general lol
Josh --- Rach says:
unless its like my best mates

Josh --- Rach says:
im not that kinda person
Josh --- Rach says:
like flirty ladies man
Josh --- Rach says:
more of the shy in the background guy

i have no idea what to do, i dont know how i can help him or anything and i really dont want it to end.

any advice? ):

[xxnefariousxx]

It sounds like he has a lot of trust issues, maybe. Maybe he's scared of rushing into it because he's afraid he'll scare you away. It sounds like he really likes you, but is just so scared. He's had bad past relationships, and he doesn't want another one.

Maybe you can sit him down and tell him what you've noticed. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help him. Ask him if he's scared. You're scared too, right? This is a new relationship and neither of you want to screw it up. I would just sit him down and tell him that you're nothing like his past girlfriends. He just sounds like a scared, lost puppy. Does he have trust issues? Do you know a lot about his previous relationships?

[Rach]

Yeah, i think he has major trust issues.

I think he's only had one past relationship, and it was 2 years ago. She cheated on him and his nan died in the same week, he said it was the worst time of his life and he never wants it to happen to him again. I've told him it wont happen again, and how i would never hurt him...but whatever i say, it dosent seem to help at all. it goes in one ear, and out the other.

He said after the relationship, he had alot of offers but never took them untill now...the night we got together, his best friend came up to me and told me he was the nicest guy i'd ever meet, and he wont do something if he dosent want to...but he has to really like the girl to actually go out with her.

I know he's very insecure, and he said he feels awkwards around my friends because they're all in happy stable relationships, and they're all quite intimate, and he feels very pressurized around them. I've mentioned it to them..but ofc, they're not gonna stop being how they are.
I want to spend time with him on our own, but I never get the chance.

[...analu!]

^ I think the best thing, like you said, would be to hang out with him on your own. But i don't mean something that you two can't really interact with eachother (like say, a movie), but rather something more like a stroll at night, have a picnic somewhere, something that (hopefully) won't have any unwanted interruptions. Something that you two could have fun together, as friends, without having to worry about "hmm, should this be romantic?" because, chances are, it'll be fun, romantic, and something different.

After he sees that you're a fun person, somebody who isn't like his ex and everything, he'll learn to trust you and he won't have much of a problem when your friends get more "intimate" with their pairs when you two don't, if you know what i mean.

But good luck anyway, aaand, don't forget, since he's shy, it's a good idea to take the iniciative and invite HIM on that picnic (: