I'm a Fool...

[xxnefariousxx]

This rant relates to this thread.

u.u I'm so glad I didn't tell him... Good Lord, Joe can go to hell right now for all I care! After that Sunday, I didn't see Joe (and still haven't) for over a month. WTF?! I called him three weeks from that Sunday, no answer and I kept trying to call him once every two weeks just to touch base. When I finally got a hold of him... He was detached and weird. I said we needed to hang out... etc. etc. He agreed but we didn't talk for two weeks.

Then I thought the tables were turning when I received a phone call from him asking him if I was going to a friend's Grad Party. I couldn't - going out of town. He then started talking to me as if time wasn't against us; we were old buddies again. A flicker of hope caught up in my throat and he and I both agreed (again) we needed to chill when I got back.

I called him yesterday and playfully demanded we hang out. He kinda did a: "zomgyes!" I guess... :\ We then started chit-chatting, talking dates of when we were available when we decided on Saturday (today). He said he was busy in the evening but could chill during the day. I told him to just call me when he knew what time he wanted to hang out.

Today comes by and all the hope that I had sank... He never called. And, I don't want to feel like I'm overreacting, but I'm just so god f***ing pi$$ed off and mad with myself! I go through this all the time with him! He says he'll call, but he doesn't - I'm an idiot for thinking that every time will be different. It's not, and I hate myself for believing in men.

Like I said, it's been over a month since we've last seen each other. We usually don't go for like... 2 weeks... Yea, I missed him. And if he's my good friend like I think he is, shouldn't he miss me? How much effort is one f***ng phone call? For real?!? I'm just so pi$$ed off, hurt, upset, and angry with myself.

I just feel so unwanted... y'know? I've only dated three guys before... Joe was one of them. And two of those guys (Joe included) always lied and said that they would call... but they never would! I deserve that f***ing phone call... right? It just makes me believe that men don't give a s*** about us... We're all alone...

What made it worse was I was hanging out with my neighbors tonight... Two of my neighbors, Matt and Katie... Well, Katie likes Matt. And Matt and Katie are best buds... like me and Joe. But Matt wants to be with Katie - he likes being around her. And I got so jealous because I just want to feel wanted for once...

I'm just so... very very hurt... I cried my eyes out tonight...

No one has to reply, I just needed a guy rant. ;D

[QuackAttack]

Aw, I'm sorry. Guys are such jerks sometimes. I know this will sound really corny and cliche, but it's true: give it time and you will find someone else who is worth your time and affection. I agree that a simple phone call is not that hard to manage, even if it's to say he can't...at least he would've bothered to let you know. But yeah, this guy's no good and I'm sorry I told you to go for it, I didn't know something like this would happen.

And I know how you feel about the whole jealousy of friends. All of my friends had boyfriends when I had never had one and when no one had ever been interested in me and it just really sucked to feel unwanted. But, that won't last forever. Just go out, meet new people, and have fun.

[xxnefariousxx]

Thanks Quack - somehow, you always make me feel better.

I guess I'm so tired of waiting for a perfect guy! I know patience is a virtue and love will strike when I'm least expecting it, but how much longer do I have to wait? *heavy sigh* For the past however long it's been, I've been trying to stay busy, but I kind of miss having a guy in my life, y'know?

Well, thanks again Quack. You made me feel better.